Candice DeWitt

This cardigan and I have had a year-long adventure together, quite literally. I started it last year on my annual knitting weekend, not realizing how much brain power it would take me to knit from two different charts (one for the collar, one for the back). We would go in fits in starts, this cardigan and I. I’d knit a few rows here and there, then it would be abandoned for weeks on end because I just couldn’t find the energy to focus on it. It only got worse once I started back to college, and the project sat for months waiting for me to come back to it.

Once I realized I was coming up on the one-year mark on this project I realized I really needed to get moving if I wanted to cast on any OTHER sweaters for winter. So I made a plan, wrote out all my chart rows in my knitting journal so I knew if I was knitting row x on the collar I was also on row z on the back chart so I didn’t have to think about anything more than I had to, and then just… knit. And knit, knit, knit. I worked on this sweater ALL weekend last weekend and even brought extra yarn with me thinking that I’d get it done and be able to cast on my next project. I didn’t manage to get it done, though I did get down to just one sleeve. Which left this last week and weekend for finishing the sleeve, weaving in ends, and blocking the whole thing out.

And, so, a year later, this cardigan is FINALLY finished. It’s gorgeous and warm and, honestly, was a wonderfully well-written pattern. My ONLY complaint is that the arm holes are a bit snug/tight, and some of that is that I gained a lot of weight since I cast this on a year ago, but my arms haven’t grown THAT much and if I were to ever knit this again (and I totally might once life calms down) I’d knit the next size up or, at least, figure out how to increase the arm holes more before dividing off.

Pattern: Recoleta
Yarn: Knit Picks Wool of the Andes Superwash in Indigo Heather

My favorite time of year came and went – my annual knitting weekend away with my bestest knitting friends. This time, rather than our usual Hocking Hills, we headed north near Perrysburg. There, we enjoyed this AH-MAZING view of the river from the deck/sunroom, talked, laughed, watched movies, ate food, and, of course, KNIT. So much knitting.  The trees were perfect, the weather was cold but not overly so, and the whole weekend is exactly what my soul needed.

Because we were in the area, we made a trip to Yarn Cravin’ for yarn shopping, and then headed – by recommendation of the lovely girls at the yarn shop – to Swig for booze and afternoon snacks. And then we tried to stop by Fort Meigs, only to discover that we were a few days late as the outdoor area closes at the end of October. Boo. That didn’t stop us from at least walking around and trying to peek in, however.

I didn’t manage to actually finish a single project, but I did make a ton of progress on my Recoleta cardigan and just have a single sleeve to finish. There’s a light at the end of that nightmare of a tunnel! That’s not to say the pattern is terrible – it is wonderfully written – it’s just that I’m not entirely sure what I was thinking when I decided to cast on something that requires me to keep track of where I am in two different lace charts when I’m constantly interrupted by a 4 year old! The sweater is turning out lovely, if a bit small on me since, you know, a year later I’m not the same size as last year. But for the foreseeable future, I’m making plans to knit some more… basic garments. Cardigans and whatnot that don’t require a lot of pattern reading, mostly. I have yarn and pattern lined up for a Foldlines, and yarn for a Rosemont and I’m thinking about maybe a Quick Sand? We’ll see once I get this Recoleta done and blocked and make a few gauge swatches to figure out my options.

Saturday we went to a friend’s house out of town to go trick-or-treating and, if you can’t tell, Peter Rabbit had a blast. Being an only child at home, he LOVES being around bigger kids and feeling like he’s older than he really is. I had a few moments of panic because he was trying too hard to keep up with the bigger boys which, also, meant a few attempts at running across the street without looking. Not to mention that with so many people out and about I was worried he’d get too far separated. I tried hard to not be that helicopter mom that I hate, but this kid really doesn’t understand being 4 and the limitations that come with it so sometimes I err on the side of being more cautious than I probably need to be.

Toward the end, though, one of the younger boys took it upon himself to care for him. At one point, on the walk back to the house, they stopped and he offered to carry Declan’s bag of candy because it kept dragging on the sidewalk. And then Declan tried to hold his hand and made it weird.

Yesterday we ventured to Mohican State Park with some friends for a hiking adventure and discovered it was apparently peak mushroom season because the whole place was covered in fungi! I don’t think I have ever seen so many of them growing! Declan, upon seeing a clearing full of them, declared “IT’S A WHOLE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!” which made me giggle imagining little fairies and sprites and whatnot living under all those mushroom houses.

I’m sure the area is well-traveled for those who actually hunt down mushrooms for eating – I don’t know enough about them to even attempt to look (and Declan would probably turn his nose up at them, anyway). I suspect any that were edible were already snatched up, anyway. I would find stalks here and there where it looked like others were maybe hunting them and cleaning their haul as they walked the trail. It was fun seeing what all weird things we could find on our hike, though.

The trees are just starting to turn, and I’m SO sore from all the walking. And probably also from carrying a nearly 40lb child who decided to have a meltdown at the bottom of the dam, requiring some major exercise to carry him up what felt like a thousand steps. Motherhood is so glamorous. But Declan and I are already planning to venture out again and soak up all the time in the woods that we can before it gets to be overly cold and miserable.

If you follow me on Instagram, you might have already seen the above photo. It’s a Fen Dress muslin to try out the sizing. Because, see, I have this daydream where I basically live in handmade clothes. I wander my imaginary farm in perfectly sewn frocks while collecting chicken eggs and tree ripened apples, and then sit on the porch wrapped in a wool sweater and knit while I wait for a pie (from scratch, of course) to finish baking. Or maybe sitting in front of a wood burning stove while also sipping on a cup of tea while spinning yarn up from the fleece of my pet sheep named Fern. (Why, yes, I have thought about this a lot, why do you ask?)

The details don’t matter, because the reality is that I do not have a farm, and I have a full time job aka not the life of leisure, and I ALSO have poor clothing sewing skills (well, more like I’ve never been taught so the learning process is rough). Also, real life isn’t a dream.

But none of this stops me from being stubborn and continuing to try despite failure after failure. It also helps that I’ve developed a bit of an obsession with Pyne and Smith dresses, but the cost is enough that it has motivated me to learn to make my own in the attempt to not go broke pretending to be a farmgirl in the city.

I have been absolutely TERRIBLE about writing here. Truth be told, I miss it – I miss having stories to tell and photos to share that aren’t just brief social media snippets of my life. For several years I’ve kept two separate blogs, one here with my name on it, another with a fake name. It always felt weird to me to have people I know in real life read my blog and then later mention something I posted, and I fought that aspect for a long time. But life is busy, and I realized it really isn’t all that different from me posting useless stuff on Facebook for everyone to see/read.

So, here I am.

I’m coming off a one-month break from Facebook, and thinking about this last month without the shallowness of the feed I once used to scroll through like an addict. The details on why I deactivated aren’t really all that important, but I can say that I only slightly missed it. I did keep myself feeling in the loop a bit with Instagram. And I did log back in once for a work-related thing… but promptly saw the bazillion notifications, quickly scrolled through them, said “NOPE” and deactivated again. Otherwise, I’ve actually felt a lot happier and more productive. I’m not sure I ever thought the day would come where I’d manage to break that habit, but I’m glad for everything that led up to that deactivation moment.

I’ve been trying to be a lot more intentional and mindful with my life lately with regards to what I make, wear, eat, do, etc, so I’m considering blogging more to be yet another intentional move. I’m thinking of it as another aspect of self-care and taking care of myself mentally, which I often struggle to do anyway.

I think later this week I’ll re-vamp this space a bit and give it a fresh look to go with my somewhat fresh-ish restart.

I always love it when people post up their projects in a collage, showing how their fiber came, how it spun, and then how it plied. I love seeing the change, and how something that might not be colors you love or expect ends up into this gorgeous yarn. My favorite scarf, to this day, is made out of some fiber I picked up at a festival that was busy and overly colorful and I wasn’t at all sure I would truly love it until I finished spinning it and all those colors blended and melded together to make the most gorgeous yarn I’ve ever made.

This fiber is Tapestry Roses, from Created by Elsie B. I found her on Instagram and fell in love with her color choices. This colorway in particular I actually named, because she wasn’t sure what to call it and a bunch of us threw out suggestions. Mine stuck, and I felt obligated to order it. I’m so glad I did – her fiber is WONDERFUL. It spins beautifully, isn’t smushed or felted together anywhere, and the colors didn’t bleed when I washed the finished yarn, either. Since starting this yarn back in August I’ve ordered more fiber from her and will probably order more (even though I don’t at all have the time right now to spin through it lol).

I ended up with about 384 yards of 3ply, with a large chunk left of single on the bobbin to spin into a 2ply. Might have to come up with something that uses both yarn textures.

Pattern: Elaine’s Blouse, modified to have ribbing on the bottom and not at the waist.

I finished this back in November on my knitting weekend away, but just now got around to getting it photographed. The snow is so lovely this weekend, and it seemed like a perfect situation for some proper photographs. I had a hard time not shaking from the cold – the wind on that end of the porch was awful – but a few deep breaths to just tolerate it, knowing I’d be back in warmth in a few minutes, and it would be over. Modeling is hard, ya’ll.

Quilt blocks finished: 9/48

Hats: 1/3

Socks: 1

Ornaments made: 0

But, hey, I nailed my ginger macarons today. Little things, yes? And my holiday cards are printed, addressed, and ready for the mail. I actually went out last night for a bit of mommy time to shop at TJMaxx, and came home with a few gifts purchased since it has become apparent that I will never get the time needed to finish all these projects with a kid fighting for my attention. Knitting is actually easier with him, to be honest, because he has this habit lately of snuggling up mid afternoon to watch a movie and then he passes out and naps on me – that’s pretty much the only way I’ve finished that pair of socks. So maybe I can at least get the hats done, if I can’t get the quilt done.

Today, a post on Facebook led me down the rabbit hole and I discovered this post from No Sidebar. I nearly cried at my desk as I read it on my lunch break because it hit home so very much.

Maybe that’s why it’s hard to let go of past identities and the stuff that goes along with it. We spend years, even decades, carefully cultivating exterior facades to shape how we perceive ourselves and how we want others to perceive us.

So, when we no longer have that same facade we’ve spent so long developing (because of a career change, family shift etc), it can be incredibly painful. In these instances, we are literally losing a piece of ourselves. And that’s going to hurt.

Last week, I put my 2 weeks notice in at a job I’ve been miserable in for months. A job that I worked so very hard to get, and then worked even harder to do. A job that became so all-consuming and draining of my mental health to the point where anxiety kept me awake at night worrying about tasks I forgot because I was busy dealing with something else, worrying about spending happening without my knowledge and whether there was money in the budget to cover it, and spending the entirety of my days putting out fires and never feeling like I was getting ahead on the tasks I envisioned myself doing to improve everything overall.

The new job I’m taking is a step down, both in responsibilities and pay. It’s something I actively chose to do, because at this season of my life I felt as though the only option I have to maintain my sanity was to step back. And, ever since, my inner 16 year old has been berating me. That strong willed, determined girl who was so sure that she’d tackle anything handed to her and would refuse to give up is guilt tripping me for letting it get to me. That 16 year old would hate me for admitting that I need time for myself and my family (especially when, at 16, I would have flipped if you told me at 33 I’d be a mom as I was firmly in Camp Child-free for so long), when all she did was work and then come home and work on her freelance client work at home. I feel like I’ve already let her down by having to step away from my web design business projects because having a child has turned out to be far more consuming than I imagined, and now this.

But when life is no longer working for you… when you start feeling like you’re sacrificing your own well-being for a paycheck? It’s time to go a different direction, and this is probably the one time in my life that I actually happily embrace change (or, at least, I will once I get through sorting out all of these stupid feelings.)